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Table of Contents:
Chapter 1: A Criminal is Born
Chapter 2: The Family Business
Chapter 3: The Illicit Affair
Chapter 4: The Outcasts
Chapter 5: An Illness in the Family
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An Introduction:
Some people find writing and reading nonfiction to be boring, but I find it exciting. While writing this book, I spent many hours digging on the internet and interviewing locals about the odd behavior and history of the Pinciottis. They've been in our homeland for three generations, but we know so little about them. Hell, even some of the Pinciotti descendants and relatives have no clue what goes on in their family.They're always in the papers, but the outlandish rumors about them seem to overshadow the truth. Whenever negative, real facts about the Pinciottis were revealed to the public, the authors of those articles went missing. Well, I'm about to expose them for all they are worth, and risking my life in doing so.
Sounds pretty exciting to me, don't you think?
Sincerely,
Christy Clarke.
Special thank you to my contributors: Mark Filroy, Colette Bachelor, and Kevin Clarke.
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Chapter One: A Criminal is Born
If you think of the name Abbot Pinciotti, who do you think of? For you younger sims, you may think nothing of that name, but sims who were raised in my generation remember hearing about an "Abbot Pinciotti" and what an incredible hero she is/was as kids. She was our Robin Hood, I guess you could say. She moved onto a plot of land, and stole from her neighbors, the Altos and the Landgrabbs. She was arrested and diagnosed as a kleptomaniac, which subsequently shortened her sentence due to insanity. Stories were written about her, praising her over how brave she was for being a thieving woman in a rich man's town with a heart of gold.
Little did we know, nothing could have been more false.
Abbot Pinciotti was born and raised in a science compound in Champs Les Sims, France. The state of Champs Les Sims back then was a far more grim picture than the sunny, seductive paradise you see today. Abbot was born into the La'veau clan, which was the most hated by the other clans due to the fact that they were naturally smarter and stronger than the other townspeople.
Soon, the chancellor grew frustrated when the La'veaus constantly one-upping the other citizens, and he hauled them off in a carriage, one by one, to the nearest science compound to figure out what made them so special. The scientists never quite figured it out, but the clan faltered under the pressure and went insane. Apparently, some genetic marker for intelligence flipped and made them more prone to developing mental illnesses. They kept the La'veaus for a much longer period of time than intended to study their bizarre antics and peculiar speech patterns.
The La'veau clan stayed in the compound for thirty years before Abbot was born. Abbot was only five when the scientists began experiments on her, which traumatized her for life. When she was fifteen, her family made plans for her to escape the compound with her little brothers and sisters so they could somehow make their way to a safe haven. Unfortunately, her brothers and sisters died on the way there of unknown illnesses; Abbot was the only survivor.
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| A picture of Abbot on her plot of land |
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| Abbot and her husband, Xander, shortly before his death |
Aren't you glad you voted for him now?
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Chapter 2: All in the Family
Now that we know the family's past, it is now time to talk about the present-day Pinciottis. Currently, the matriarch of the family Abbot Pinciotti is widowed and retired. Her son, Jack, has taken over the position at the local criminal hub, and her other son, Costello, is at the top of the Political ladder. If something goes wrong in the family, i.e. an arrest, a tell-all biography (such as this one), or a loose-lipped observer, Costello "takes care of it". In other words, they keep their dealings all in the family. Costello married a woman named Trista (previous last name unknown), who is a schoolteacher at Sunset Elementary. Together, they have three children; Adais, Angelica, and Randy.
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| Trista Pinciotti holding one of her children |
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| A recent picture of Jack Pinciotti |
Jack Pinciotti is antisocial, but people would commonly define him as "evil". For some odd reason, he does not process emotion the same way that other sims do, and responds most positively to the suffering of others. Thus, his insensitivity and chosen profession. Jack is currently married to Tiffany Pinciotti (previously Nordstrom), who used to be a wealthy socialite but is now an internationally known stylist, best known for her elegant taste and her signature jaw-dropping prices. Together they have three children: Bonnie, Lorena, Clyde, and their youngest, Jesse.
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| A present-day photo of Tiffany Pinciotti |
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Chapter 3: The Illicit Affair
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| A picture of Emilia Cartez and Jack Pinciotti |
Jack Pinciotti is a horrible man, who places little value on family as evidenced by his previous actions.
He visited Daddy Bigbucks' brothel on several occasions when he decided Tiffany wasn't "doing her wifely duties" often enough, and fell in love with a worker there named Emilia Cartez. When word got out that he spent his nights there, he apologized profusely to his wife and continued to see her in secret. He remained undetected until she announced she was pregnant.
When he broke the news to his wife, she was rightfully angry. She demanded that he send her away to Bridgeport, and she refused to talk to him for a week. They never divorced because they didn't want the public to know. Divorce was a major scandal during that time, and with Jack's temporary arrest, they had more than enough public attention back then.
The affair between Emilia and Jack resulted in the famous socialite you know as Ella Cartez:
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| A picture of Ella as a young girl. |
Ella came to her fame when her mother seduced and married a wealthy Bridgeport actor named Matthew Hamming. In other words, she grew up famous for being famous. Now, however, she is probably best known for her promiscuous flings with multiple men, her stormy on-and-off affair with musician Eric Cromic, and her recent snatch of a previously unknown athlete Jordan Howitt, who recently dated her half-sister, Bonnie.
Her sudden move to Sunset Cove was previously unknown, but I discovered a letter from Emilia explaining that she did not trust Ella on her own, and she felt that she must be watched here by her half-family.
Well, I'm sure her mother is rolling in her grave now.
Chapter 4: The Outcasts
Margaret Bachelor (previously Pinciotti) ran away from home at the age of eighteen, after seeing what her family did for a living, and witnessing her naive younger brother be manipulated by her evil older brother. She had five children with a man named Michael Bachelor; Colette, Timmy, Mikel, Martha, and Kellee.
Not much can be said about Margaret, because not much is known, but Margaret is definitely the sanest of all Pinciotti descendants. She's clear-headed and can think for herself; unlike her siblings. However, despite her best efforts to keep them safe from the Pinciotti curse, they inherited some undesirable traits.
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Earlier I mentioned a gene unique to the French La'veau tribe, which triggered abnormal intelligence and/or insanity in the clan's bloodline. Well, my recent genetic research proves this. According a few anonymous sources, many of Abbot and Xander's descendants are geniuses or have some sort of mental illness. Below is a list of descendants displaying this odd occurrance:
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| A picture of Margaret fawning over her ring |
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Chapter 5: An Illness in the Family
Earlier I mentioned a gene unique to the French La'veau tribe, which triggered abnormal intelligence and/or insanity in the clan's bloodline. Well, my recent genetic research proves this. According a few anonymous sources, many of Abbot and Xander's descendants are geniuses or have some sort of mental illness. Below is a list of descendants displaying this odd occurrance:
Costello Pinciotti: Descended from Abbot and Xander
Suffers from: Neuroses
Carrier: yes
Children: Adais (over-emotional), Angelica (temperamental and insane), and Randy (hydrophobia and reclusive tendencies)
Jack Pinciotti: Descended from Abbot and Xander
Suffers from: (kleptomania, antisocial tendencies, and insanity)
Carrier: yes
Children: Bonnie (insane, recently hospitalized), Ella (carrier, but possibly histrionic), Clyde (reclusive tendencies, fear of nature, technophobia), Lorena (mild memory problems, carrier), Jesse (high IQ, reclusive tendencies, insanity)
Margaret Pinciotti: Descended from Abbot and Xander
Suffers from: Neuroses
Carrier: yes
Children: Mikel Bachelor (carrier, high IQ), Colette (kleptomania, sadism), Martha (carrier), Timmy (memory issues, insanity), Kellee (carrier)
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Now that you've completed this book, we sims and citizens of Sunset Cove must unite against this corruption happening in our own backyard. We must eradicate our dear country of Pinciottis all together; none of them shall stay in fear of the insanity "switch" being flipped. They are all hazardous to our existence. Hopefully, this book has convinced you to drive them out of our sacred valley.
I now conclude this book with the reassurance that if nothing is done to stop these monsters, life as we know it will change; and not for the better.
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